Activity: Relationship Scenarios

How do we navigate unmet expectations and crossed boundaries?

In this activity you will be given short stories about two or more people in a relationship.

When reading through each scenario, take a moment to think: Is this story focused on an expectation or a boundary? How would you communicate this unmet expectation or crossed (violated?) boundary?

You and your boyfriend just started dating two months ago, and things are going great. Now that basketball season is over you have a lot more free-time after school, which you would like to spend with your boyfriend. But each day he just goes straight home like he usually does.

Is this an unmet expectation or a crossed boundary?

Unmet Expectation- You seem to want to spend more time with your partner. Consider how much quality time you value in a relationship.

How would you communicate this unmet expectation?

One thing you can do is to ask your boyfriend if he would like to spend time with you after school. It is possible that he didn’t know that you had more free time or that he is preoccupied with something at home. Either way, you can only know his side of the story by asking him and flexing your effective communication skills. Consider trying something along the lines of “Hey, now that basketball season is over and I no longer have practice after school, I think it would be nice for us to hang out after school sometimes. What do you think?”

You and your family are on a week-long trip to the Grand Canyon. Your girlfriend knows how excited you are and is happy for you, but she isn’t excited that she won’t get to see you for a whole week. You told your girlfriend that it was important to you to focus on spending time with your family while you were on vacation. But a day into your trip, your girlfriend has already received many texts and requests for updates, pictures and videos and she is upset when you don’t respond quickly. You find it difficult to focus on your family time.

Is this an unmet expectation or a crossed boundary?

Crossed Boundary—You are finding it difficult to prioritize time with your family and time with your girlfriend.

How would you communicate this crossed boundary?

While it can be hard to be away from a romantic partner for a long period of a time, it’s also important to nurture and focus on other relationships in your life. It’s ok to want to focus on spending time with your family, especially if you’re on vacation with them. This scenario is an opportunity to set boundaries and expectations. Communicate to your girlfriend that repeated calls, texts, or social media messages can be excessive or overwhelming. In healthy relationships we cannot assume how or how often people like to communicate so it is important to communicate how you like to communicate! Not doing so can lead to confusion, anger, and unmet expectations. If you find yourself in this position, try something along these lines: “I want to give you and my family my undivided attention, but it is hard to do both at the same time. So, can we find a good chunk of time this week that works well for the both of us, so we can talk and catch up then?”

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